Third day of November

I'm posting aren't I?

You mean this doesn't count!?

Ah crap.

Intone the tone

To think of the tone that changes the word.

Changes the meaning.

Changes the voice.

Sarcasm is one.

Confusion another.

An Intone of joy.

Or sadness, it’s brother.

A simple “Hi!” to a “Hi.”

It’s difficult to write.

It’s difficult to see.

Because paper doesn’t get it either.

He was confused when we first typed out shredder.

Yearbook

This year I decided to sign up to help write for the year book. You send them some samples of writing and they say yes or no.

I was lucky enough to receive a yes.

So here is the first essay/dialogue that I turned in. The topic was "The First Day of School"

Hope you enjoy!

Take a deep breath. Smell that? That, my friend, is the fresh scent of dairy cows. You were looking forward to it, weren’t you? Oh, remember to watch these sidewalks, most of them are really old. They will catch you unawares and suddenly you will find the ground rising up to greet your face. Not as much fun as you think. Believe me.

What class are you heading to now?

Ah. Great times with that teacher.

I heard they switched classrooms. Do you know where you are going?

Yeah just down this sidewalk, past the creepy metal sculpture that moves.

You didn’t know it moves?

It does.

Yeah, I’m heading to Nethery.

Haven’t eaten at the Cafeteria in a while you say.

How’s the food?

Well, let me just tell you.

It has its days. Sometimes you are pleasantly surprised at the taste of the food. And then sometimes, it’s just... Well, they cook for thousands right?

Ah yes. I see you have spotted Buller Hall. It is beautiful isn’t it? The newest addition to the campus and a shining beacon for the University. A few of our departments are in there.

By the way, what is your major?

Undecided?

No worries, most of us are. Even when you decide on a major you will still question it to the end.

So you like the cold?

Me too! We are in the right place my friend! How many jackets did you bring?

Two. Just Two?

No, it doesn’t matter how well you handle the cold, when you go home on break bring more. If you don’t you will regret it.

Any-who, it’s exciting isn’t it? The first day? I love the first day of college until I realize I will have homework from most of my classes.

Oh yes, homework. It is an inescapable part of college and we better just get used to it! We’ve been doing it for at least the past 12 years, haven’t we? This time it is just more comprehensive, difficult, and confusing.

Yes, I am very skilled at pep talks, thank you!

Well, since we are on this ‘First Day of School’ topic let me give you a little advice that someone once gave me, “Instead of worrying about the new year look forward to the challenge.” I’ve expanded that:

Look forward to who will be in your classes this year.

Look forward to who will be rooming in your hall.

Look forward to what crazy combinations the Caf will come up with next.

Look forward . . .

Look forward not back.

Dream instead of Dread

Accept instead of Reject

Well, here’s where our paths split.

See you here next year?

Yeah, same place, same time.

Who do I have.

Who do I have if I don't have you?

I have God.

And I hold Him in the highest respect.

But God created friends and family for a reason. He knows we need connections, love, and relationships to thrive.

So I sit and ponder my query.

I was upset when I saw that I had lost you to someone else.

But I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be. Maybe since I had cried all my tears two nights ago.

I still questioned:

Did I even like you? Had I loved you to the degree that I thought I had?

I figured maybe not. And the rest of the day went peacefully with few tears shed, and lots of prayers, but mostly peace.

Then I had my first dream about you. The first time you had appeared in my subconscious.

I hated you for it.

I hated when I awoke.

I still think about you.

I can't stop searching for you. Looking for a glimpse.

When I do, my heart jolts at the sight of you.

It's not fair.

How can I be calm and extremely upset at the same time?

Help me.

Help me God.

Shortest Blog post ever.

The moon reflected off the mountains with a ghostly blue light, rendering the surface as smooth as glass. He crouched behind the crumbling overpass and watched the moon float alongside the stars, while they winked their approval at its flight.

(I saw the moon reflecting on the mountains on the drive home, and it was so beautiful that I had to write a short story about it.)

Alarm Clocks

I have been home for four weeks now. We arrived home from our road trip on Monday, May 24th.

Since then on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday mornings an unknown and mysterious alarm clock goes off at what I'm assuming is set for 7:00 a.m.

I always wake up with a staggering jolt to the shrieking bells of this alarm clock.

I have searched and searched my room tearing apart through my desk and closet, even my clothes drawers and book boxes hoping to find that greedy little sleep stealer.

To no avail.

So my precious weekends and the beginning of every week starts off with a rude awakening.

But the worst part is the inconsistency. One sunday I awoke at around 9:45 a.m. positive that I had heard no alarm almost three hours earlier.

On one occasion I set my phone alarm for 6:55 a.m. on a Monday and waited.

I sat there ticking away the moments, waiting for that alarm to go off so I could hear where it was coming from.

Usually it startles me awake and by the time I am conscious enough to look for it, it has already silenced itself and the search is futile.

But not this time. I was going to hear the little annoying machine, find it, and rip out its batteries one by one.

6:58 a.m.

6:59 a.m. (oh my gosh, is that a spider? Look away! Look away!)

7:00 a.m.

I sit and wait, in tense silence, any second now it will beep, and give its position away!

7:00 a.m. and 30 seconds.

7:01 a.m.

OH COME ON!

It chose to not reveal itself to me. To randomly, on a day where it has always beeped, not beep!

I sit in an angry silence for a while, hoping that maybe the time was just off by a few minutes.

No such luck.

at 7:12 a.m. I put my head back down on my pillow and close my eyes. Falling into a deep sleep filled with hammers and tiny shattered alarm clock pieces.

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP.

I open my eyes groggily.

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP.

My heart is trying to inform me of what my brain already knows.

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP.

It's an attack. The alarm clock is going off now, I need to wake and search for it quickly!

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP

I throw off my covers and pounce out of bed, inducing a major head rush, and dizzy spots floating in front of my eyes.

Silence.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I missed it. My chance. My opportunity.

I fall backwards onto my bed holding my now calming head and cursing that alarm clocks existence.

I don't even mind being awake early.

But if I HEAR that Stupid alarm clock ONE MORE TIME I swear I will BURN THIS ROOM TO THE GROUND!

Birthdays

It's an old tradition for me to wait until the clock strikes 12 on my birthday.

I would wait for it to pass into the midnight hour on my birthday before I drifted off into a euphoric slumber.

I knew that when I awakened it would be a day where pretty much everything revolved around me.

I use to believe it was a slightly selfish but fun gesture.

Now as I enter my last teen year things change.

I haven't made a huge hullaballoo about my birthday this year. Don't get me wrong, I kind of want to, but I also don't. That's all I'm going to explain. Because, to be honest, I have no idea.

But right now I'm sitting on my couch, watching Friends, waiting for the hour to change.

Because I won't let myself fall asleep before 12.

Because I can't.

And I don't know why.

But here's the kicker. (Man, I've always wanted to say that. I guess typing it will have to do.)

One of my best friends is sleeping next to me on our huge red couch. She fell asleep an hour ago.

And the guy that I loved for six years. Or liked. Or had a crush on. Or whatever you can feel in high school. Texts her. (Because they are dating. Did I mention that? Oh yeah.)

She sleeps through the beeps. So as a naturally nosy person (I won't deny it) I just glance over to see who it is.

And it's him.

Of course it is.

And since it's an IPhone the whole text is displayed. Of course it is.

Oh, that's right, I read it.

"Something, something, blah, blah, I love you!! ALOT!!!"

I personally think the exclamation marks are a bit much but that's just me.

Now I want to be asleep.

But I can't.

I don't love (or other affectionate term) him anymore. In fact I saw him a couple weeks ago and I thought. What a ___Insert inappropriate insulting term here___ you turned out to be.

So it's not a depression or jealousy thing I'm feeling.

Maybe partly. That's always thrown into bad situations somewhere.

But mostly it's just sadness.

Because it's almost my birthday.

In three minutes and counting.

Two minutes.

One minute.

Now.

All I feel is one year closer to death.

Happy Birthday to me.