I would wait for it to pass into the midnight hour on my birthday before I drifted off into a euphoric slumber.
I knew that when I awakened it would be a day where pretty much everything revolved around me.
I use to believe it was a slightly selfish but fun gesture.
Now as I enter my last teen year things change.
I haven't made a huge hullaballoo about my birthday this year. Don't get me wrong, I kind of want to, but I also don't. That's all I'm going to explain. Because, to be honest, I have no idea.
But right now I'm sitting on my couch, watching Friends, waiting for the hour to change.
Because I won't let myself fall asleep before 12.
Because I can't.
And I don't know why.
But here's the kicker. (Man, I've always wanted to say that. I guess typing it will have to do.)
One of my best friends is sleeping next to me on our huge red couch. She fell asleep an hour ago.
And the guy that I loved for six years. Or liked. Or had a crush on. Or whatever you can feel in high school. Texts her. (Because they are dating. Did I mention that? Oh yeah.)
She sleeps through the beeps. So as a naturally nosy person (I won't deny it) I just glance over to see who it is.
And it's him.
Of course it is.
And since it's an IPhone the whole text is displayed. Of course it is.
Oh, that's right, I read it.
"Something, something, blah, blah, I love you!! ALOT!!!"
I personally think the exclamation marks are a bit much but that's just me.
Now I want to be asleep.
But I can't.
I don't love (or other affectionate term) him anymore. In fact I saw him a couple weeks ago and I thought. What a ___Insert inappropriate insulting term here___ you turned out to be.
So it's not a depression or jealousy thing I'm feeling.
Maybe partly. That's always thrown into bad situations somewhere.
But mostly it's just sadness.
Because it's almost my birthday.
In three minutes and counting.
Two minutes.
One minute.
Now.
All I feel is one year closer to death.
Happy Birthday to me.
Hey lil sis. It's been a while and that's my fault. I'm sorry for the fallout you don't deserve. I'm sorry your birthday wasn't as sparkly as it has been, but I hope it got better. It's great to see you still writing; you really have a gift. Are you in Riverside for the summer? Anyway, much missage and love. If you wanna catch up any time let me know.
ReplyDeleteHey Bryson, It's all good, I understand the separation and blame neither for it. yeah well who cares about a 19th birthday anyways. haha It was just a depressing night no big deal. And yeah It got better.
ReplyDeleteYeah I still write occasionally when I find a topic that is amusing!
I'm home for the summer except a mission trip. Miss you too and hope you are doing okay and having a good time.
Catching up would be nice if we have the time! And yeah hope to talk to you soon.