Alarm Clocks

I have been home for four weeks now. We arrived home from our road trip on Monday, May 24th.

Since then on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday mornings an unknown and mysterious alarm clock goes off at what I'm assuming is set for 7:00 a.m.

I always wake up with a staggering jolt to the shrieking bells of this alarm clock.

I have searched and searched my room tearing apart through my desk and closet, even my clothes drawers and book boxes hoping to find that greedy little sleep stealer.

To no avail.

So my precious weekends and the beginning of every week starts off with a rude awakening.

But the worst part is the inconsistency. One sunday I awoke at around 9:45 a.m. positive that I had heard no alarm almost three hours earlier.

On one occasion I set my phone alarm for 6:55 a.m. on a Monday and waited.

I sat there ticking away the moments, waiting for that alarm to go off so I could hear where it was coming from.

Usually it startles me awake and by the time I am conscious enough to look for it, it has already silenced itself and the search is futile.

But not this time. I was going to hear the little annoying machine, find it, and rip out its batteries one by one.

6:58 a.m.

6:59 a.m. (oh my gosh, is that a spider? Look away! Look away!)

7:00 a.m.

I sit and wait, in tense silence, any second now it will beep, and give its position away!

7:00 a.m. and 30 seconds.

7:01 a.m.

OH COME ON!

It chose to not reveal itself to me. To randomly, on a day where it has always beeped, not beep!

I sit in an angry silence for a while, hoping that maybe the time was just off by a few minutes.

No such luck.

at 7:12 a.m. I put my head back down on my pillow and close my eyes. Falling into a deep sleep filled with hammers and tiny shattered alarm clock pieces.

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP.

I open my eyes groggily.

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP.

My heart is trying to inform me of what my brain already knows.

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP.

It's an attack. The alarm clock is going off now, I need to wake and search for it quickly!

SHRIIIIIEEEEP. SHHRRIIIIIIIEEEEEP. SHRIEEEEEPPP

I throw off my covers and pounce out of bed, inducing a major head rush, and dizzy spots floating in front of my eyes.

Silence.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I missed it. My chance. My opportunity.

I fall backwards onto my bed holding my now calming head and cursing that alarm clocks existence.

I don't even mind being awake early.

But if I HEAR that Stupid alarm clock ONE MORE TIME I swear I will BURN THIS ROOM TO THE GROUND!

Birthdays

It's an old tradition for me to wait until the clock strikes 12 on my birthday.

I would wait for it to pass into the midnight hour on my birthday before I drifted off into a euphoric slumber.

I knew that when I awakened it would be a day where pretty much everything revolved around me.

I use to believe it was a slightly selfish but fun gesture.

Now as I enter my last teen year things change.

I haven't made a huge hullaballoo about my birthday this year. Don't get me wrong, I kind of want to, but I also don't. That's all I'm going to explain. Because, to be honest, I have no idea.

But right now I'm sitting on my couch, watching Friends, waiting for the hour to change.

Because I won't let myself fall asleep before 12.

Because I can't.

And I don't know why.

But here's the kicker. (Man, I've always wanted to say that. I guess typing it will have to do.)

One of my best friends is sleeping next to me on our huge red couch. She fell asleep an hour ago.

And the guy that I loved for six years. Or liked. Or had a crush on. Or whatever you can feel in high school. Texts her. (Because they are dating. Did I mention that? Oh yeah.)

She sleeps through the beeps. So as a naturally nosy person (I won't deny it) I just glance over to see who it is.

And it's him.

Of course it is.

And since it's an IPhone the whole text is displayed. Of course it is.

Oh, that's right, I read it.

"Something, something, blah, blah, I love you!! ALOT!!!"

I personally think the exclamation marks are a bit much but that's just me.

Now I want to be asleep.

But I can't.

I don't love (or other affectionate term) him anymore. In fact I saw him a couple weeks ago and I thought. What a ___Insert inappropriate insulting term here___ you turned out to be.

So it's not a depression or jealousy thing I'm feeling.

Maybe partly. That's always thrown into bad situations somewhere.

But mostly it's just sadness.

Because it's almost my birthday.

In three minutes and counting.

Two minutes.

One minute.

Now.

All I feel is one year closer to death.

Happy Birthday to me.