Who do I have.

Who do I have if I don't have you?

I have God.

And I hold Him in the highest respect.

But God created friends and family for a reason. He knows we need connections, love, and relationships to thrive.

So I sit and ponder my query.

I was upset when I saw that I had lost you to someone else.

But I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be. Maybe since I had cried all my tears two nights ago.

I still questioned:

Did I even like you? Had I loved you to the degree that I thought I had?

I figured maybe not. And the rest of the day went peacefully with few tears shed, and lots of prayers, but mostly peace.

Then I had my first dream about you. The first time you had appeared in my subconscious.

I hated you for it.

I hated when I awoke.

I still think about you.

I can't stop searching for you. Looking for a glimpse.

When I do, my heart jolts at the sight of you.

It's not fair.

How can I be calm and extremely upset at the same time?

Help me.

Help me God.